i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
