Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
