My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
