Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
