just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
