Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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