I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
