I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
