If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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