We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize