she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have feelings that need drinking.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize