I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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