Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
