oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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