Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
