They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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