Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
