I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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