So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
