I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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