So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
