my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
