I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
