dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
