Umm I'm too high to move.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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