have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize