I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
