and i looked up. we had an audience...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
