All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
