I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
