went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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