You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
