It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
