1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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