there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
