...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
