Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
