no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
