she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
