apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
