conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
