How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
