I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
