you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
