I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
