I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
