my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
