I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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