ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
