Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
