Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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