No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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