You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
