Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
