so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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