Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
