So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
