My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
