Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
