Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize