woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
