I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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