He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
