You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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