Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said her name was "party"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
