after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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