You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
