she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
