Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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