What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
