the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
